10. Passion of the Christ
Seen on: March 7, 2004
I've got to be honest, I was avoiding this movie like the fucking plague. I don't mind movies about Jesus, in fact "The Last Temptation of Christ" is one of the most moving films I've ever seen. I just don't like Jesus films where he gets horse whipped for two hours. This film made me cringe more then "Saw" or "Hostel."
Anyway my buddy Joel forced me into going this because as he put it: "if I have to sit through it, you do too." Great friend, right? So we sit through what seems to be a never ending movie before the credits begin. And it was the oddest thing: not one sound could be heard from the other audience members. In fact everyone looks fucking depressed as shit. Like we just got done with a funeral instead of a movie. What gives, I thought this movie was suppose to be uplifting.
Of course being inappropriate teenagers, we did the most inappropriate thing we could do: laugh. That's right, we laughed during a Jesus film. At first it was snickering but slowly progressed into uncontrollable laughter. People were giving us the death stare like "How dare you laugh! This is a very serious film!" And I can't honestly remember what was so damn funny. Usually I tell stories about how other people were assholes, but this time it was us.
9. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (The Remake)
Seen on: Halloween, 2003
I've got to stop going to the movies with my cousin. He doesn't have a good track record with picking good movies. But this night I was more angry with the idiot teens behind me. Yes, I know I've ranted about them before but when they stop being stupid I'll stop talking about them.
While waiting for the show to begin two teenage boys roughly 15 years old were talking when this happened:
TEEN BOY 1: "Have you seen 'House of the Dead' yet?"
TEEN BOY 2: "Fuck yeah. I loved that movie man!"
.... Every time I think back to this one, I literally get bummed out. At the time it didn't bother me because I didn't even know what "House of the Dead" was. But years later having seen the film...(sigh)
Need a point of reference?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbShiJ3h0-UNow you'll see why this pains me so much.
Uwe Boll: History's greatest villain.
8. World Trade Center
Seen on: August 9, 2006
Much like the "Passion of the Christ" incident, this experience was basically the same song, different verse. Except this is higher up because:
1) Instead of just laughing, we were making sarcastic remarks all through the picture. It was basically like "Mystery Science Theater 3000" that night.
2) The subject matter. Making jokes through a movie is not that bad, but doing it through a movie about 9/11...just makes us look like the worst people in the world. So this time around we were even bigger douches.
3) The audience didn't take our shit this time. One older gentleman told us to be quiet and near the end of the movie an usher started to hang around our area keeping an eye on us.
All this makes it just a notch higher up on the list then the "Passion." F.Y.I., I dare you to watch this movie and not mock the scene were someone actually says: "We're marines! You are our mission!"
Sorry but I still can't get over him as Ghost Rider
7. Fantastic Four
Seen on: July 9, 2005
As if this movie wasn't bad enough I had to put with an obese woman about 60 years old who apparently broke her hip or something. Now don't get me wrong I don't mind the elderly at the movies as they tend to keep to themselves. Not this lady. First off she comes into the movie 12 minutes late and it becomes apparent that she doesn't know the meaning of the word whisper. She's loudly talking to her friend talking about her hospital stay, unaware that there are other people in the theater too.
Finding a seat becomes a problem because she decides to sit in the middle of a row. Again, not a problem normally but you have to keep in mind that she's using crutches as her ONLY support. Plus she does the dumbest thing by picking the one other row (besides ours) that had people in it to sit in. Wouldn't you pick one of the other 12 rows that are EMPTY if you had a handicap? Add to that was the fact that it took a couple of stairs to get to said row. Stairs? Should she really be going up stairs in her condition?
All this just distracted the shit out of me. I couldn't focus at all on the movie. All I kept thinking about was "Should she be going up the stairs in that condition? Why is she picking the one other row filled with people? Why is a 60 year old woman with a bad hip seeing the "Fantastic Four" to begin with?!" Easily one of the biggest distractions I've ever had.
Why out of all the movies did she see the "Fantastic Four"?
, 2000 (I lost this ticket stub)
